So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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