I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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