I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
