i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
