All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
