I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
