just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
