All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The power of my boobs compel you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
