I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
