What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
