i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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