Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
two words...techno handjob
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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