Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
