as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Blood and glitter go together right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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