Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
