i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
