I need help removing her.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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