2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
