I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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