In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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