You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
