Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
