Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
