i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Please don't give away my fajitas
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
