I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
