so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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