tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she woke up with a sticky ear
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
