I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
