Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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