clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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