Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
