im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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