this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
