she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
