Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
