I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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