if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
