I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
