What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
