Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
