I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
