I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
