YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
