My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
