Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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