I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
