I am puke
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Randomize