My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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