is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
