Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
