life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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